More or Less

At around this time last year, I was 2 months away from Tokyo Marathon so I ran almost every day, even during the end of year holiday. I ran short and long distance, come rain or shine. I did daily cardio, strength training, core training, stretching, and whatnot. So obviously I lost a lot of weight, built muscle, and was toned as well as very tanned.

This time around, I am enjoying my holiday immensely. I have been scaling down my running significantly since few weeks ago and am now focusing more on daily yoga practice and meditation. I decided I want to reconnect with my thoughts and emotions as intensely as I did with my physicality last year. I’m taking things really slow this time.

So yes obviously I’ve gained some weight, my puffy cheeks are back with a vengeance, and yet I don’t care. I’ve made my peace with it because it is a direct consequence of my own decisions. From a weekly mileage of 40-60 km to less than 10 km, something’s gotta give. And honestly, I am okay with it. I will return to physical training very soon (I still owe myself a marathon medal), but not just yet. I’m taking my time.

Yet somehow I have a strong feeling that when holiday is officially over and I come back to the real outside world, some people will make comments about my weight gain and my chubby cheeks. And these comments, although probably made in the most casual manner, truth be told, are unnecessary and hurtful. Yes, hurtful.

Can you honestly say that when you make comments about someone’s weight (gain or loss), there isn’t a slight pang of mockery hidden behind your casual tone and awkward laugh as if you have nothing better to say to someone you haven’t seen for three weeks of more? Although I’ve made my peace with my weight, it doesn’t necessarily mean I have to be okay with these comments. And anyone telling me to be okay with the comments need to learn a thing or two about respecting other people’s privacy.

For a lot of people, their body and anything that has to do with it, is their own personal heaven or hell. Depending on the time of the month, sometimes I despise my body for the added water weight and the zits on my cheeks. Although most of the time, I adore it to the core. This fat body of mine has carried three babies and survived three c-sections. The same body has survived running under freezing rain for 25km. But not everyone is an open book.

For a lot of people, some things - like the number they see on the scale - are PRIVATE and PERSONAL. And we need to learn to respect that.

Now I am all for body positivity; never you mind what people say about your body. It’s yours, not theirs. Do what you want with it; bloat it up, slim it down, build muscles, grow sideburns, show off your cellulites and stretch marks, anything goes. So don’t be bothered by hurtful jibes and comments from people who know nothing about what you go through.

The thing is, educating people about body positivity MUST go hand-in-hand with sincere courtesy; knowing what to say and when to say it while respecting other people’s privacy. The fact that we find it important nowadays to encourage and empower people and YOUNG CHILDREN to feel positive about their own body, is actually a setback. We have been forced to view ourselves through other people’s eyes for too long. We are never taught to simply feel good about ourselves. Our life metric is hardly innate because we are always told - directly or indirectly - we’re too fat, too thin, too tall, too big, too hairy, too skinny, too much or not enough.

When will it stop? Will it ever stop?

Probably never. Not as long as people still find it acceptable and even hilarious to say something unnecessary about someone else under the cloak of casual conversation. 

So maybe now our best bet is to focus on body positivity and simply learn to smile politely when someone makes us uncomfortable with their comments about our body while silently swearing and telling them to just go screw themselves. But also maybe, we can put a stop to this nonsense about commenting other people’s body. Maybe, just maybe, we need to learn to take the time to think about what to say to people and maybe, just maybe, it’s okay to not say anything at all. A simple hello with a sincere, heartfelt smile should suffice.

More is not always better, and less is not always worse.