I do not breastfeed my babies, but I am a GOOD mother.
I don't care who I offend with this particular blog post but I just can't stand not saying something about this matter.
Three first time mothers came to me seeking help and advise on breastfeeding. They saw the pictures I posted on my Facebook wall, pictures of my freezer full of frozen breast milk.
I told them first and foremost, that I have to thank my mother and my grandmother and my mother's grandmother for passing down the good genes of high level of prolactin hormone. I also told them to not be intimidated by those pictures as the ability to produce breast milk is hereditary. Although good management does help in building stock, genetics play a major role as well.
I also told them that the good genes that enable me to produce such high quantity of breast milk, were also responsible for making me infertile for the first 18 months of my marriage. As prolactin hormone is naturally contraceptive, I was unable to conceive a baby. I had to take medications to repress my prolactin hormone to the lowest level possible and after six months, I was finally pregnant with Noah.
I could only breastfeed Noah for 6 weeks. Coming up to week 7, my breast milk dried up just like that. I had to feed him formula milk.
When people (read: breastfeeding activists or NAZI mothers as I'd like to call them) learned that Noah wasn't breastfed, I was bullied and judged. Some even went on saying 'You don't love your son. If you did, you would've tried harder to breastfeed him. Your son is not a calf, is he? Why are you feeding him cow's milk? He'll grow up sick, believe me. And he will be so detached from you, as you never bonded with him through breastfeeding sessions.' That obviously crushed me to the core, I went on postpartum depression for 8 months and was suicidal. I felt guilty, felt I was a bad cruel mother. It took me about a year to bounce back to my normal self and to recover completely from my depression.
When I became pregnant with Nahla, it was not planned. It wasn't even anticipated. We had been thinking about adding one more to the brood, but wasn't expecting it to happen naturally. I was ready to go back to my obgyn to start the cycle of lowering my prolactin hormone level. And I was ready to not produce breast milk, and ready to fight off those NAZI mothers just to shut them up. So when I took the test after only 5 days missing out my usually very routine menstrual cycle and it came back positive, I was so very happy I literally smiled until my cheeks hurt. Smiled for a good 15 minutes, my husband had to tell me to stop smiling because I was scaring Noah.
Like I said, I was ready for zero breast milk. I wasn't even thinking about breastfeeding throughout my pregnancy. I casually did some research and read articles once in a while about breastfeeding. So when my breast milk came pouring out unstoppably just two days after Nahla was born through C-section, I was gobsmacked. I wasn't ready for it. Luckily I had my breast pump with me, took it with me to the hospital because one of the articles I read told me to do so. Didn't even know why, but I took it anyway. So I started pumping and bottle-feeding Nahla with breast milk. And until today, just two weeks shy of Nahla's first birthday, I am still able to feed Nahla with breast milk.
Why did I bottle-feed her? Why didn't I breastfeed her?
I am a GOOD mother. I do not let my children go hungry. By pumping literally every two hours, I was able to produce so much and gave to Noah what he didn't get when he was an infant, breast milk. Just because I needed to get some sleep at night and asked my husband or my mother to feed my baby, doesn't mean I didn't love my kids. If anyone should come up to me right now and tell me I made a wrong decision to pump exclusively, I would slap him/her really really hard. Really hard.
So anyway... The three new mothers who came to me, apparently were also victims of such NAZI mothers. They were judged so unjustly and violently, one was already well on her way to depression. After sharing my story to them, they felt better. Not because they found a justification for feeding formula milk to their babies, breast milk is indeed and will always be the best. No doubt about that. But these young mothers, they need help, they don't need debilitating comments. They need education, they don't need to be judged. They are good mothers, they must not be told otherwise. Nobody has the right to tell them otherwise. They need support, they need advise, they need to be shown the right way of doing things.
I am not a breastfeeding activist, I am not an exclusive-pumping mothers activist, I am not a formula milk supporter, I am not a PETA or Greenpeace activist. One thing for sure, I am definitely against bullying.
I am simply a mother who loves her children very dearly, who was wrongly accused and misunderstood, and who understands the ordeal new mothers go through after delivering a baby. I just want every woman to know that you and your child will have your own unique relationship, which nobody can make or break. You know what's best for you and your child.
So if you're breastfeeding your baby successfully, kudos for you. And if you're bottle feeding your baby with pumped breast milk like I do, let's share some tips. And if you're feeding your baby formula milk, just make sure you feed your baby lots of water as formula milk might make your baby gassy or constipated.
However and whatever you feed your baby with, as long as you don't let your child die of starvation... Say this to yourself: I am a GOOD mother.
For more information on prolactin hormone: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prolactin
Three first time mothers came to me seeking help and advise on breastfeeding. They saw the pictures I posted on my Facebook wall, pictures of my freezer full of frozen breast milk.
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| This is only in one freezer. There's another one just as full. |
I told them first and foremost, that I have to thank my mother and my grandmother and my mother's grandmother for passing down the good genes of high level of prolactin hormone. I also told them to not be intimidated by those pictures as the ability to produce breast milk is hereditary. Although good management does help in building stock, genetics play a major role as well.
I also told them that the good genes that enable me to produce such high quantity of breast milk, were also responsible for making me infertile for the first 18 months of my marriage. As prolactin hormone is naturally contraceptive, I was unable to conceive a baby. I had to take medications to repress my prolactin hormone to the lowest level possible and after six months, I was finally pregnant with Noah.
I could only breastfeed Noah for 6 weeks. Coming up to week 7, my breast milk dried up just like that. I had to feed him formula milk.
When people (read: breastfeeding activists or NAZI mothers as I'd like to call them) learned that Noah wasn't breastfed, I was bullied and judged. Some even went on saying 'You don't love your son. If you did, you would've tried harder to breastfeed him. Your son is not a calf, is he? Why are you feeding him cow's milk? He'll grow up sick, believe me. And he will be so detached from you, as you never bonded with him through breastfeeding sessions.' That obviously crushed me to the core, I went on postpartum depression for 8 months and was suicidal. I felt guilty, felt I was a bad cruel mother. It took me about a year to bounce back to my normal self and to recover completely from my depression.
When I became pregnant with Nahla, it was not planned. It wasn't even anticipated. We had been thinking about adding one more to the brood, but wasn't expecting it to happen naturally. I was ready to go back to my obgyn to start the cycle of lowering my prolactin hormone level. And I was ready to not produce breast milk, and ready to fight off those NAZI mothers just to shut them up. So when I took the test after only 5 days missing out my usually very routine menstrual cycle and it came back positive, I was so very happy I literally smiled until my cheeks hurt. Smiled for a good 15 minutes, my husband had to tell me to stop smiling because I was scaring Noah.
Like I said, I was ready for zero breast milk. I wasn't even thinking about breastfeeding throughout my pregnancy. I casually did some research and read articles once in a while about breastfeeding. So when my breast milk came pouring out unstoppably just two days after Nahla was born through C-section, I was gobsmacked. I wasn't ready for it. Luckily I had my breast pump with me, took it with me to the hospital because one of the articles I read told me to do so. Didn't even know why, but I took it anyway. So I started pumping and bottle-feeding Nahla with breast milk. And until today, just two weeks shy of Nahla's first birthday, I am still able to feed Nahla with breast milk.
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| My faithful friend. |
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| 530 cc, 21 January 2012 |
Why did I bottle-feed her? Why didn't I breastfeed her?
- I have a four-year old son who is very active and only quiets down when he sleeps. He is also very attached to me (totally the opposite of what those NAZI mother said) so I had a hard time juggling between two kids.
- I had no nanny and no maid to help me with the kids.
- I had a 30cm scar across my abdomen which hurt like shit every time I moved because I couldn't take painkiller (allergic to it.)
- I needed my sleep at night because I obviously couldn't sleep during the day.
I am a GOOD mother. I do not let my children go hungry. By pumping literally every two hours, I was able to produce so much and gave to Noah what he didn't get when he was an infant, breast milk. Just because I needed to get some sleep at night and asked my husband or my mother to feed my baby, doesn't mean I didn't love my kids. If anyone should come up to me right now and tell me I made a wrong decision to pump exclusively, I would slap him/her really really hard. Really hard.
So anyway... The three new mothers who came to me, apparently were also victims of such NAZI mothers. They were judged so unjustly and violently, one was already well on her way to depression. After sharing my story to them, they felt better. Not because they found a justification for feeding formula milk to their babies, breast milk is indeed and will always be the best. No doubt about that. But these young mothers, they need help, they don't need debilitating comments. They need education, they don't need to be judged. They are good mothers, they must not be told otherwise. Nobody has the right to tell them otherwise. They need support, they need advise, they need to be shown the right way of doing things.
I am not a breastfeeding activist, I am not an exclusive-pumping mothers activist, I am not a formula milk supporter, I am not a PETA or Greenpeace activist. One thing for sure, I am definitely against bullying.
I am simply a mother who loves her children very dearly, who was wrongly accused and misunderstood, and who understands the ordeal new mothers go through after delivering a baby. I just want every woman to know that you and your child will have your own unique relationship, which nobody can make or break. You know what's best for you and your child.
So if you're breastfeeding your baby successfully, kudos for you. And if you're bottle feeding your baby with pumped breast milk like I do, let's share some tips. And if you're feeding your baby formula milk, just make sure you feed your baby lots of water as formula milk might make your baby gassy or constipated.
However and whatever you feed your baby with, as long as you don't let your child die of starvation... Say this to yourself: I am a GOOD mother.
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| Noah Dmitri Budiman |
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| Nahla Jasmine Budiman |
For more information on prolactin hormone: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prolactin
http://www.rd.com should feature this one.
ReplyDeleteYour Servant,
SPS
P.S. You ARE a good mother!
Tears came out of my face when reading this. I really had a hard time with my baby and I did not breastfed her. I have inverted nipple problem which I only found was a problem right after Loretta was born. I had to pumped my breast but could only breastfed her for 4 weeks. After that my milk dried out, I had to gave her formula milk. That's when the judgement started. Even the doctor I had to visit at my hometown when Loretta was ill accused me of being such a bad mother giving her a formula milk, he even told me that my baby are going to be seriously ill, got asthma, skin problem etc because of the formula milk. I feel you so much, when you said about the postpartum deppression, I felt alone, so alone and felt like I really am a bad mother.
ReplyDeleteAfter getting back to my normal life, I still have no guts to tell the story just like you, or even slap those NAZI mother in the face. I still let myself to be judged and bullied because of that formula milk. I thought I deserve it and I still think I was a bad mother.
I tried to focus on other thing, if I was bad at breastfeeding, perhaps I could be good at other things. I tried to raise my baby well and make sure she wont get any disease as the doctor told me caused by formula milk. I hope she won't.
I raise my hand to a mother like you who stand up to defend yourself and help other. Well I'll say this to myself million times from now on: 'I AM A GOOD MOTHER"